Today’s blog post will be a long, nattering post that will likely wind up being boring and completely un-enlightening. Feel free to skip it. 🙂 I am going to go ahead and write it, in spite of all that, because I may want/need to come back and reflect on this moment in the journey at some point.
I do not know if it is the changes in my routine, the heat, or what. Falling asleep has been surprisingly difficult considering how exhausted I have been. I don’t generally operate well on so little sleep.
This morning I was dreaming about a murder mystery in which Morgan Freeman (in the role of investigator) was chasing a Jack-the-Ripper type murderer through a series of abandoned subway tunnels. As is the way of dreams, at first I was present in the tunnels, watching the killer, as well as shadowing the investigator. Then (I suspect when our alarm went off for the first time and my husband snoozed it), I was laying on the couch watching the murder mystery movie on the television. My (dream) husband got up and announced he was going to bed, and then he turned off the t.v.
“Hey! I was watching that.” I was very annoyed with him. I wanted to know how the movie ended. I got up and turned the television back on, but of course I’d missed important bits. Then our alarm went off again and I had to actually get out of bed leaving the murder mystery unresolved and me feeling annoyed and dissatisfied.
I hate it when I am dreaming those kinds of emotions when I wake up because I inevitably take them with me from the dream into waking. I also hate it when I have to leave a linear dream like that incomplete. I have an uncanny knack for falling back to sleep in order to “finish the story” when I dream full plots with beginning, middle and end.
I am not working on a murder mystery at the moment – not in writing or reading. Maybe my muse is whispering new project inspirations to me – or maybe I am feeling murderous over my lack of sleep. *chuckle* In any case, I was certainly feeling annoyed about having to wake up this morning. That probably means that it would have been a good morning for meditating, but I opted for sleeping through the snooze button over having time for that.
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I am doing pretty well on taking my breaks today. I was all alone in the office this morning. I did not have to worry about being caught out by co-workers, but I did have to confine my walking to laps around the office instead of outside and through the park. I took something of a lunch break also – and will include the time I spent then in my hour for today – because, again, I was on my own and spent the time on reflection, practicing power posing and stretching.
I am uncertain about how my afternoon and evening will unfold. I have meetings this afternoon and family coming to the house tonight who will demand my attention. I am also feeling inspired and antsy to dedicate a good chunk of time to writing. Just thinking about all of that makes me feel like I should take a few minutes to breathe.
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I am including this in today’s blog post because I think that there are many layers to it. One is – it is nice that I can get so excited and pumped up over essentially “little” things. Two is, I think that it demonstrates the subconscious self worth evaluations I make that can be insidious.Three – I genuinely wonder if I am the only one to “dork out” like this.
Do you ever get stupidly psyched by the presence of a specific person on your followers list, or appearance in your comments? That happened to me last night. Somebody I follow, whose published works I admire, followed me back. It doesn’t mean anything … doesn’t change anything … *really* … but I still got unreasonably excited by the appearance of that name in my followers list. No, I will not be name-dropping (or even saying on which site they followed me). That isn’t what this is about.
I realized, while I was excitedly chattering at my husband – because I was bursting with the exhilaration and had to let it out – that I actually get this feeling kind of a lot, if in a slightly more contained version. (Wow – sorry about that sentence – but I’m not editing it! lol) There are a handful of names that I am always excited to see. It doesn’t matter if it is in my email or in my chat, or in one of my public comments sections. They send a thrill through me. I think this is because I admire them and genuinely want to know what they have to say to me. I always feel just a little touched and humbled that they think I am worth their time and the effort of sharing their words and thoughts.
Last night, it helped that I had just been immersed in a stimulating conversation about art, writing and creativity. I was already pumped up and feeling enthusiastic about my endeavors. Seeing that name in my followers list was just the thing to push me over the edge into euphoria.
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So … There is my day 3 potpourri. I am feeling very unfocused, distracted and disjointed. I tried to re-read this before posting it – and I *hope* it makes some kind of sense, but I have no confidence in that at all.
Tomorrow will be better.